SCHEME - MERRY XXXMAS

12/25/22

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Scheme wishes you a merry Christmas or a happy holiday or whatever you feel validates you. This newsletter is for all our suburban soldiers who are post-dinner, making small talk with near strangers looking for a way out. Instead of sticking your head in the oven turn your attention to the Scheme army’s Christmas questionnaire, feel free to hit the comments with your answers if you feel so inclined, and if got something worth saying we’ll sneak into the next installment coming later this week…

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BOB WILSON (LET DOWN, BASKETBALL BAND, FYA FEST CZAR):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. STARKWEATHER Edison Recordings LS

2. TURNING POINT Kidney print LS

3. DFJ and Doug to play a hxc set

4. No more fests

5. Sixers parlay to hit 

BEST XMAS GIFT:

GREEN DAY - Kerplunk tape 1994

Barry Sanders Jersey  -1995

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Pulling up there now , probably exchange gifts eat some food and fall asleep for two hours then drive the two hours home. S/o Philly hxc + Philly straight edge

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ALEX CASEY (STREETS OF HATE, TATTED AND EMPLOYED): 

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. BURN - Shall Be Judged 7” on Pink. Probably not a hard record to get in the age of Discogs but my last 3 accounts got suspended for not paying my Seller Fees so…

2. Gift cards to local coffee stores or bags of beans for brewing the shit at home

3. ALL OUT WAR or DEATH THREAT shirts (2000 or earlier)

4. One good demo submission email for every 5 that comes in with a lengthy bio I won’t read, social Media account links in their email signature and a “For Fans Of” section that’ll make Santa toss his cookies..

5. Selling the rest of these DEAD LAST 7”s would be nice ..

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Getting Cash is always Dope.. my dad got me the Tattoo Time 30th Anniversary Box set a couple years back, loved that. I can’t remember anything else (too many kicks to the dome..)

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Definitely over eating.. Wearing the matching pajama set my mother in-law got me with a smile on.. re-posing for 20+ takes of a self timer pic in front of the Christmas tree because my eyes were closed in every one or I wasn’t smiling or whatever else

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 MATT L*YDON (ALMIGHTY WATCHIN, WRECKAGE, WRITER):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. A garage sized hc venue, preferably behind an industrial dry cleaning plant 

2. Size Xtra Large long sleeve shirt that says “Never Ending Game” on it 

3. Straight edge coquito 

4. Just one joke of mine to hit the coveted 7 Ha Ha react in chat 

5. 5. AT ALL COSTS reunion

BEST XMAS GIFT:

We’ll, since Lauren def doesn’t subscribe to this here rinky dink publication… I’m gonna go with the OG lime green gameboy and all the goodies that my secret Santa ganked from his employer back a few years ago… mad nostalgia.

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Last night I showed up and there was NO grandma, NO cousins, just my suspect aunt… it was like this one time when I took the train alone to NYC to see Bright Eyes play some cheesy fest only to find out at doors he’d dropped. (That’s what you get for being emo I guess) today is a vibe though Mom is makin French toast, my and my alt sibling watching Elf

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DAN RAYNER (MOURNING, RENOUNCED, Absolute Unit):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. Eat myself into a coma.

2. More D&D Pathfinder figures to paint.

3. Try beat this last year in terms of amount of tours I can work.

4. Looking forward to seeing my friends in 2 weeks at FYA. 

5. KevOne to have been joking the whole time and appearing at FYA. 

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Slippers.

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Dads passed out at the Christmas table from drinking too much, having my yearly explanation as to why I won’t try any Turkey this year and eating a whole Beyond Meat Wellington to myself. Then everyone falls asleep and I play Apex and shit for hours.

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NOAH WRECKAGE (WRECKAGE):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. A remote car starter

2. Underwear and socks

3. Sweet treats

4. Dope vibes

5. A new WRECKAGE record

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Dope New Balances

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

My vibe at the christmas party is sitting back making jokes with the cousins and eating so much lasagna

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OZONE (C4, BURNIN LORD, Vantage Point..)

XXX-MAS LIST:

It’s long so Santa better light a fire under it because I want everything on this list:

1. Mona Azars voluptuous ass on my face

2. Black rickenbacher bass

3. Listen to BLACK SABBATH all day

4. My boy Alex to get out of mexican jail

5. Become a baby daddy

6. The Scheme comp to come out

7. the RED RUN LP

8. A slow death for all meter cops tesla drivers and emoz

9. S.O.D at the brighton elks

10. NO TOLERANCE reunion in boston

11. Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese extra pepperoni garlic sauce burnt edge crispy

12. Get Santarpios with my friend Jim Dee

BEST XMAS GIFT:

$100 gift card to Burger King

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Getting yelled at for watching Die Hard with my 1 year old niece.

Merry Christmas to all Krate users, hot nurses, black witchery listeners, brazzers account holders, David Pastrnak, Matt guilbert, Ozzy, the celtics, the gordeedah army, DFJ, COA and anyone who is still straight edge. If you don’t like christmas fuck you.

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MATT K (MAGNITUDE, SEARCH FOR PURPOSE, XSUBSTANCEX):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. Red ink Youth Crew ‘88

2. INTEGRITY Dark Empire longsleeve

3. 1980s tobacco burst Les Paul Custom

4. Teacher pay increasing above poverty levels so I can cop #s 1-3

5. 80s HC bands calling it quits on reunions

BEST XMAS GIFT:

My first electric guitar when I was 12. It was a FIRST ACT brand from Toys R Us. I actually still had it until recently, I was going to try and mod it and put a different neck/electronics on it but that turned out to be a fool’s errand. 

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Dodging political arguments and constantly being asked, “but you eat fish, right?”.

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LENNY (SEED OF PAIN, ENVISION, Godzilla fan):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. New MAGNITUDE record 

2. For Disney to stop making new Star Wars content

3. Lost & Found Chicago 1’s size 10.5

4. Chaos on the dance floor during WRECKAGE at FYA

5. #restoretheSnyderverse

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Best Xmas gift I ever got was a GameCube on Christmas 2001. My mom camped out at Toys r Us to get me one. Opening up that purple son of a bitch and playing Luigi’s Mansion all day is one of my happiest childhood memories. 

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

My Family Christmas vibe is chill. My dad is autistic like me and we’re watching Curb Your Enthusiasm but my dad doesn’t laugh at the bits he just softly to himself says “wow. That’s so true.”

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KYLE (SCHEME, AW, OFJ..):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. For at least 140 people to buy a copy of the WRECKAGE LP on January 1st

2. ANOTHER WALL Shirt 

3. For all Scheme affiliates to crush and kill all competition at FYA 

4. Michael Jordan sneakers 1-10 

5. A crumb of respect. 

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Not to boil a stupid holiday to an even stupider pursuit of things … but my girlfriend has gotten me some pretty profound gifts through the years like a table saw. Also one time my mom got me and my brother an Xbox from a pawn shop, that was pretty good. 

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

I’m an admiral in the kitchen, blanching and roasting baby broccoli , choppin and marinating Brussels, rolling up tamales, and frying up fresh tortilla chips … than I wither away into a corner trying to be ignored until dinner so I can send texts about this newsletter in peace. 

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Carter (From Within, STATEMENT OF PRIDE, Leader of the gorgonites): 

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. A moped, I could probably just buy one but I’m lazy, I desperately want one though…

2. To magically own my own vinyl pressing plant, these wait times are making me suicidal 

3. Original Nike ACG Sherpa hoodie from the 90’s

4. A vacation home in the North Eazt so I could easily chill with the boys more often

5. To go back in time and see MADBALL at Coney Island High in 1995…I’d be swinging Rick ta life by his dreads during that set

BEST XMAS GIFT:

This sounds corny as f***….but the best gift I ever got was probably the first Harry Potter book when I was younger. Till this day that is one of my favorite stories of all time and is a timeless classic that changed my life in a weird way…..it’s corny I know

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

My vibe at the family gathering is to sit back, eat, and people watch. Nothing I hate more than small talk with people you see three times a year…

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Ben Brodie (Northern Unrest, DESPIZE, e-girl):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. An amp that never breaks 

2. A visit to the Happy99 store in NY

3. Good health for my family

4. People to stop with Grammy nomination speeches every time they do something

5. Bands to stop putting out songs with programmed drums

BEST XMAS GIFT:

The two gifts I opened this very Christmas morning. They were my eyes thank you Lord. 

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Cosy as. Big lie in, lounging around, and the best food we’ll eat all year. 

Hope you had a good Christmas and I can’t wait to see you.

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Chris (Scheme CFO):

XXX-MAS LIST:

1. A piece of paper saying I finally got my Bachelors degree at 32

2. Re-aquirring a SUPERTOUCH Painted Sky shirt I previously had and sold in a moment of weakness.

3. Size 11 Air Max 95 Michigans.

4. For people to listen to the WRECKAGE 12” and acquire a physical copy for the low, low price of $19.99 plus S/H.

5. The finalized Scheme comp to be the visual and sonic representation of the following scenario: Vinnie Stigma is transported to Westeros and has to defeat a dragon utilizing only a madball.

6. The creation of a Coke Heavy without the sugar/extra bullshit but not Coke Zero and/or Diet Coke. Perhaps I just want Mexican Coke.

BEST XMAS GIFT:

Playstation 2 and Kingdom Hearts in ‘02. As a 12 year old, seeing that blonde hair emo Cloud Strife from the game I couldn’t beat a couple years prior and a Disney character voiced by Danny Devito was mind blowingly cool and absolutely retarded at the same time. Laid a foundation and love for JRPGs, lore, and fandom for years to come.

FAMILY GATHERING VIBE CHECK:

Was knee deep in the trenches making assorted plates and platters for consumption by the extended family I don’t see unless it’s a holiday. Filling the role of the goth family member to draft this out and edit/send to your very inbox. Merry Christmas you sons of bitches.

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